Sentosa Samosa

Je suis de retour!!  I'm back, I say! Yeah Govind it is! You must have relished my previous experiments with life. DNA and death. Misfortunes have hit me throughout life. I come back victorious all the time. That much you know I am sure. It was a hard time for me. I was facing questions from everywhere. My FIL (Father-in-law) wanted to be a GF (Grandfather) quickly, my wife wanted me to succeed in one case at least, and Rabu wanted me to pay his dues. Torture I say! I need a break!

One fine day when the sun rose to the occasion at the East, I was browsing through my email. Arrgh.  I hate spam. Jobless freaks they are. Sending me unwanted mails on how I 'won a lottery' or how I should 'enhance my tool' and other things. I am sure neither will be of any help to me. Well the latter maybe. He He. But I can't go ask money from my FIL for this can I? I generally don't read any of the mails but today something struck me. It said

"Dear Govind,

We are happy that you showed interest in our flagship tour 'Sentosa Samosa'. We are offering the same to you FREE of cost. Yes you read it right. FREE.

Please contact the undersigned at the earliest.

Thank you,

Sales Consultant

Foreign Travels"

I remember visiting their site a couple of weeks back. It was about one Singapore travel package. For around 15 grands they had a full week tour of the country. Everything arranged. I always wanted to go abroad. A man of greatest wisdom spreads knowledge across continents they say. I say, Govind needs to transmit his intellect at least amongst neighbours!

Now back to the mail. I was delighted!  I managed to lift myself quickly in spite of ever growing tummy and jumped around my air-conditioned office. Rabu seemed like he was puzzled. I didn't care. I called up my FIL and told him "Hey look! You told me I was useless. You told me you won't give me money for travel didn't you! I am getting a free trip to Singa. I will find new clients there!" He couldn't say a word against me.

I called up the agent and booked my trip. "Will you be ready to travel next week sir with all your busy commitments?" he asked.

I thought for a minute and told him "Make it the next" Reputation matters I say.

"Sir, the trip is free only for you. You need to pay for your wife" he continued

"Only I am going" I panicked and clarified quickly.

"Should I read out the terms & conditions sir?"

"Not required" I declared. Rabu, who overheard the same as the room was silent, interjected "But sir you as a lawyer..."

"Shut up Rabu. Exactly. I am a lawyer. So I know the terms & conditions" I gave him some much-needed wisdom.

The next 2 weeks I sat and googled all about Singapore that I could get hold off. A nice place I told myself. I borrowed an old 8MP camera from one of the paperboys I knew. Even the paperboys have money these days, I cribbed to myself. Being determined not to contact my FIL, I also took some loan from them for other travel expenses. All was set. I boarded the flight. 

Woohoo!! I was flying finally! I looked at the young air hostess, who must have been in her 20s, draped in red-black striped saree. Huh. I am going foreign, I reassured myself. Only bikini excites hereon I say.

Oh my god! What have I missed all this while in life! I saw huge huge buildings and realised how many legal issues these could potentially bring in India. Many clients lost. I must open a center here, I thought. Sentosa was beautiful. So many things. So many girls. There was also this big Donald Duck standing inside the Universal Studios. I said 'Hi' to it. I was shocked when it said 'Hi' back and shook my hand. Too much technology in foreign. I even saw a dinosaur egg around. Wonder how they flicked that from its mom! Then there were water rides, giant wheels, movie sets, everything foreign. I loved every moment of it.

I was overwhelmed by the hospitality of the services offered. Free food, water, paste, brush even tissue papers! First day I thought they will take extra money for everything I have, so I maintained a strictly 'bread' diet. And then I was told that everything was free. My diet never came down from full breasted chicken there on. Only the waiter in the restaurant was a bit naive. He asked me "Sir, are you a foreigner?" I laughed and shot back. "I am Indian. You are the foreigner!" He got an important lesson that day. I also was offered free spa. I was reluctant when they asked me to be butt naked. But then as I said, I am in foreign, I say.

I was sure the spa foreign lady touched with some 'intention'. I could feel it. Maybe it was the right time to indulge in infidelity. I told myself to follow what my name suggests. “Go and win the girl!” She occasionally gave me glances over the next 2 days. I was determined to hit on her before the trip ended. I got a chance in the beach. She was also with us. I waited for the opportunity for her to become free. “Ma’am” I approached her. “Are you available for dinner?” I asked the gentleman’s question. She smiled. And I melted. We spoke about nature, Singapore, Foreign etc for around half hour. I headed back to the bus when I realised that my carry bag was missing!!

Holy shit! It had my passport and other important documents in it. That means trouble! The spa beauty informed the police. I must have kept it in the beach when I ran towards to talk to her. A policeman, who looked Asian, came for help. He asked about all my details and started his search. “Can I ever go back to India sir?” I asked him. The spa lady consoled me (Yeah I was weeping. I missed my wife suddenly). She even laid my head in her shoulders. Oh, the feel. No wait, I was missing my wife, I said.

I went back to my room in a state of helplessness. After like 4 hours, the policeman came with my bag. Immediately I hugged him and gave him a kiss on his cheeks. “Where did you find it sir?” I was curious. “Someone stole it. I found him from the CCTV camera and then tracked him via my GPS” he said wiping his cheeks as if some insect bit him. “Ohhhhhhhhhh” I prolonged to word to convey my appreciation for the technology in foreign. I said thanks and took the bag from him. He took it back and said “You have to pay 487 Singapore dollars as police fees. Cost of technology” 

“That’s around 18,000 grands in your money” the spa chick who came with the police said. I was stunned. Technology costs yeah. I was helpless so I called my FIL…

2 months later:

I was looking through the pictures I took of my foreign visit. I enjoyed it. But I had to be ashamed when I met my FIL again. Somehow Rabu got to know as well. FIL and Rabu have some under connections I say. I had just finished my lunch. So naturally I was yawning when I saw someone standing at the end of it. I hate it if someone sees me yawn. But hey, here was a customer! I beamed.

“Sir, I am from Foreign Travels. We need a help from you as a lawyer. We have an issue at hand regarding financial liabilities”

“Oh” I was happy to see him. After all, they did offer me the free trip. “That would be a simple case. I will handle it for free for you as an act of repayment”

“That would be too kind of you sir”

He got the contract made and I signed it, without reading it of course. Terms & conditions are clichés.

I went to the mobile court wearing a neatly pressed over court as usual. People had huge anticipation now that finally I was coming to court again after a hiatus of 6 months. The old jerk of a Judge sat.

Suddenly, I saw the foreign spa chic on the other side. Something was wrong. Financial liabilities he said. I was angry at the Travels. How come they not pay her properly!

She was asked to present her case. “Your Honor, as agreed between myself and the Travel agency, I am liable to receive 50% of proceeds from Clients who visit Singapore. They are yet to pay me 9000 rupees from the last client. This is atrocious sir. Cheating a foreigner” she cried.

I asked Rabu to do some quick math on the full amount of money involved. He said 18000 instantly. And then it struck me. It had struck Rabu before me. He looked at me with a mocking smile. I paid the foreign girl Rs. 9000 by myself and asked her to withdraw the case. Rabu was telling my name in some Telugu accent. “Govinda Govinda” he said. Shame shame, I say.